I’m not having a baby! I know this may come as a surprise as I have this ever expanding waistband but I’m not having a baby. I mean, I don’t feel like I’m having a baby. Well I do “feel” the affects of growing a baby inside of my tiny body but when I think that there will be a newborn in this house, another little one to take care, in a couple months it just blows my mind. I read all the mommy blogs of women that are becoming mothers for the second time, I see all the newborn babies when I’m out shopping, I even see the room in our house dedicated to the baby fill up with baby crap on a regular basis but I just don’t have that “feeling”. I don’t know what the “feeling” is supposed to entale but I’m sure it has something to do with the realization that I AM IN FACT GOING TO HAVE A BABY! Another little one. Parent of two not one. It just doesn’t seem real.

Reality hasn’t hit me that in just a couple short months I’ll be changing poopy diapers on the regular, battling diaper rash, bottle feeding and cleanings every couple of hours, crying, burping, cooing, milestones, and baby smells will fill this house. I will have to share my precious time with the pnut with another little one. How am I to love another human being as much as I love the pnut? Is it even possible? Will I favor one child more than the other? Will I get short with pnut for not understanding that mommy has another baby to take care of as well?

All these thoughts keep running through my head as I try to imagine my life in a couple of months. I know life is going to change, but how much? Am I selfish to not want life to change? Is it wrong for me to not want to “have” to love another child as much as pnut? Am I the only mother that thinks this way or is this just a pregnancy moment that will soon fade?

I’m emotional this morning if you can’t tell. I had the worst sleep last night so that is why I’m up blogging and crying. I’m going to go take a shower before pnut wakes up for the day, hopefully get my act together. He hates to see me cry. “Wutz wong, mummy?” he would say if he could see me now. “oooohhhh, Saaad?”

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I’ve hit the 33 week mark and feel even more uncomfortable as each day passes. I’ve definately started poking out more [if you look at my 31 wks. pic and my 33 wks. pic you can definately tell the difference]. I’m now rocking a fat face complete with double chin. Things are swelling and expanding. I feel like a blimp. My preggers clothes are even getting to be too small. I’ve resulted to wearing hubby’s shirts and whatever sleep bottoms I can find that will accomidate the belly and the booty. Baby bean has now taken up kicking me in the ribs. Not fun.

I had my first encounter with a belly rubber the other morning whilst eating breakfast at a local restuarant. I was leaving the restuarant and the woman stopped me and started feeling me up. Now I’ve gone 33 weeks without no one rubbing the belly as if I were buddah. I thought I did pretty good. I hope that is my one and only encounter. I despise belly rubbers.

Recent comments on the belly have been:
“Wow, you look like you got a basketball in your shirt!”
“You are having a girl?” Uh, no.
“When are you due?” Next month “Wow, you look like you are going to pop!”
“Any minute now, huh?”

I’m just going to start wearing a sign on my forehead that gives the stats of my pregnancy. I think it would read something like this…

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So I think I’m going to have to stop drinking orange juice all together for the rest of this pregnancy. Why? Well the last 3 times I drank OJ, including last night, it has given me the worst case of heartburn ever! Sheesh. I thought the first couple of times it was because I was sick with the stomach bug. I felt perfectly fine last night when I had a glass and was feeling it for the rest of the night. I was so miserable. It is very hard to sleep with heartburn. So from now until I pop a baby out, no more orange juice.

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Today, I have had the biggest appetite. I just can’t seem to get full. I’ve eaten so much crap today it is rediculous. I’m just soooo hungry. I feel the affects of the day today as I type this post.

On another note the doctor called and said that I have a low iron count so they are putting me on iron supplements. Fun, fun. They called in my prescription and hubby picked it up for me. These things are green….so weird. I must confess that I haven’t been taking my prenatal vitamins religiously like I should have been. But I’m getting better at remembering. It is just so hard to remember to take all these pills and at what times.

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So when we went to pick up the step-kids for the weekend, we also went over to my parents house for supper. We grilled hamburgers and hotdogs. It was lots of fun. Of course after dinner there was desert…ICE CREAM! Who doesn’t love ice cream, pregnant or not. Especially when it is cookies and cream. Yum, yum. I didn’t realize I was sitting the bowl on my stomach like my stomach was the table until hubby started snapping these pictures of me. LOL. Just thought I’d share.

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So I’m officially 32 weeks preggo! Just 8 more weeks to go. Thank goodness. My body is so tired of being distorted…hee hee.

I had to go to the doctor Friday to take my sugar test that I should have taken at 28 weeks pregnant. Oh well, life happens, moving happens, and I just couldn’t get it done then. I personally hate the sugar test. It is such a pain.

First, They make you drink this awful “sweet juice”,

Then, sit around the office twiddling your thumbs for an hour,

and then they take your blood. Not fun if you ask me. The sweet juice wants to make you gag, the waiting is just a pain in itself, and don’t get me started on how much I despise needles. I suppose all went well. I didn’t hear of anything otherwise.

I have another doctors appointment in 2 weeks. I’ll be 34 weeks preggo. Getting closer!

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I managed to capture a picture of pnut kissing “baby tummy” as he would call it. Every once in a while he will pull up my shirt and whack my tummy and say “baby tummy mommy”. Then he will pull up his shirt and say “baby tummy”. LOL. He thinks he has a baby in his tummy too!

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That is what I weighed when I went to the doctor Tuesday. Are you serious? I weigh 173 lbs!!! Good grief. I haven’t been to the doctor since January after my appendectomy and so to see my weight go from 153 lbs to 173 lbs is a bit of a shock, to say the least. I mean that is 20 lbs gained in like 2 months. Is that even normal? I swear I pack on the lbs. when I’m preggers like nobody’s business. I don’t even eat excessively. I eat exactly the way I do when I’m not pregnant but when I am pregnant I seem to gain all of this weight. Seriously, what is the deal? I am so glad I’m getting “fixed” after having this baby. I don’t want to have to do this again. EVER! I’m not one of those crazy people that likes being pregnant. I hate it. Despise it even. I am just so uncomfortable and absolutely hate the way that I look while pregnant. It is cute for others but just isn’t my cup of tea.

Also, I’ve been having these terrible mood swings lately. Hubby says he doesn’t want to be around me they are that bad. I don’t mean what I say and I hate this feeling of just being mad all the time. I don’t know if it is a combination of the pregnancy hormones, stress of life, being utterly miserable in my own skin or the fact that we are having another boy that is the reason why I’m so out of sorts with my true self lately but I’m sure some of those factors come into play at some point or another. I’m just really not feeling like myself. I cry at the drop of a hat and can’t seem to find anything to make myself happy. I’m just sick of being pregnant, that is all. I hope hubby and the pnut understand that I dont mean the harsh words that I say that is mere pregnancy hormones talking. What worries me so much about when I get into these spells [and that is what they are a spell, it is like I can’t get out of it, I’m in a evil trance] is that I might end up having post-partum depression after the baby is born.

Ok, enough rambling. I’m going to try to take a shower to perk my spirits up.

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Today I had my first doctor’s visit with my new doctor in my new town. I must admit I was nervous going into it since I don’t know who or what the doctor is about. Anyways, he’s a little strange. It is a husband/wife team and I got the husband today. He walked in and immediately started up a conversation with us. He was extremely goofy. Repeated alot of things such as me having my sugar test Friday. And then the eyes. My doctor is crosseyed, which is completely ok with me as long as he can see what he is doing. I assume he can since he is well, a doctor. I told him that I hadn’t had an ultrasound to determine the sex of the baby yet and he immediately stopped me in my tracks and said…”Ultrasounds aren’t to determine the sex of the baby!!!” I was like “I know, I just want to know”. Then he gave us this long lecture about how it checks the growth of the baby so on so forth, blah blah blah. Geez, calm down sparky! You are the doctor you worry about the technical stuff and I’ll play happy mom and worry about decorating the nursery. He then explained what all he was going to do today. He did a pap smear, check my boobs, and gave me an ultrasound!!! He made me get butt booty naked and lay on the dreaded OB table with my feet in the stirrups. Keep in mind that the hubby and the pnut are in the same room. So as fast as I could get undressed and on the table the doc walks in and is ready to get down to business. He first grazed my boobs, literally. He didn’t even really feel me up good to see if something was in them. He just like wiggled one and was like, uh ok i’m done there down to the good stuff….LOL. Anyways, so on to the pap smear he goes. This is where it gets interesting…Hubby is in the room like I stated before. Hubby has never seen a pap smear before. So I’m all spread eagle on the table and he puts the spread your hoo-ha open thingies in my hoo-ha and performs the pap smear. The whole time I’m looking at hubby’s face as it went from a nice light tannish brown to near white. He was like “oh my goodness what the hey are they doing down there”. LOL. It was so funny. Afterwards he was like, “um ok that was awkward”. I was trying not to laugh at hubby for fear that the doc might accidentally poke something down there he wasn’t supposed to. After the dreaded pap smear was over he checked my cervix. Fine, closed, normal. On to the ultrasound. The part we have all been waiting for, for what seems like ever. Heartbeat was great. Everything looked to be fine, normal, and where it should be. He said I was measuring to deliver a day early on the 24th of May instead of the 25th. But we shall see. Now onto the good stuff. He told us the sex of the baby.

WE ARE HAVING….

A BOY!

That is the only picture that the doctor so graciously gave me. Thank goodness he wrote the word “penis” with an arrow to my son’s junk as if I didn’t know what a penis was. Uh hello, Dr. Sparky, I have a house full of boys!!! The dog is a boy, the bird, then there is hubby, the pnut, and my two step sons. And now, there is another boy to add to the litter. I swear we need some estrogen in this house, real bad.

Immediately when the doctor said that we were having yet another boy, I turned to the hubby whose face was once smiling and now grim and said “I told you so”. I’ve been having this argument with hubby for a year now that all he produces are boys. And this just goes to prove my point even further. Then I turned to the doctor and said, “so when do I sign those tubal ligation papers”….LOL. Yep that is right, I’m getting fixed. This is the last kid I’m having. It wouldn’t have been such bad news to hear of another boy in the family except for the fact that hubby really, really wanted a girl. So much so that he told everyone he knows that it was a girl and has been calling the baby “Kylie” since it was conceived. Now we have the delima of coming up with boy names. We didn’t pick out any boy names so now we have to come up with something. The name must start with a “K”.

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So it is that part of pregnancy that I hate. Yesterday, I got swollen feet for the first time during this pregnancy. I don’t exactly remember when I started getting swollen feet and ankles with pnut but I know that I did have it and it was very uncomfortable. Speaking of uncomfortable, that is how I feel all the time now. I am so sick of being round. Sick of not being able to bend over or do certain things because I’m either too fat or pregnant. Its really annoying. I’ve been in a terrible funk the past couple of days. If I do, do anything I usually feel the result come mid-afternoon or early evening. There isn’t much I can do anymore. Housework takes alot out of me and I want to get caught up on all the housework that was neglected while I had the stomach flu but after an hour or so I just feel I can’t do anymore. Its like a feeling of helplessness.

Body issues. Don’t get me started. I hate the way I look and feel right now. With swollen feet I shouldn’t stand at all so I’ve resorted to making my desk out of the couch in the living room. I have pillows piled on the coffee table so that my feet are at least elevated. Even though I have my office in here I don’t feel like working much less blogging so I’m just sorta surfing around right now. I really need to start making money again but if you aren’t feeling it, you just aren’t feeling it. If I’m not mushing out on the couch I’m at least trying to get something accomplished in the house and even now that is getting near impossible with my expanding belly. With an expanding belly comes problems such as limited mobility and braxton hicks contractions. If I over do it at all I get extreme BH contractions which make me stop what I’m doing completely until they are over. How much time do I have till I pop this baby out? Ah yes, 61 days. Grief that is a long time. I don’t think I’ll make it.

Anxiety. I’m going through another spell of being depressed. Aside from being down about my weight, body image, and swollen feet, I’m also feeling scared and anxious about the baby actually being here. I’m asking myself the same questions I had at the beginning of the pregnancy when I first found out. I just can’t imagine loving another baby as much as I love the pnut. I hope the pnut isn’t mad at me. My mother and I have been buying up every yellow and green baby item out there but as the baby’s room fills with stuff I can’t help but ask myself all the questions a mother would ask herself when she has another baby. I’m scared I’m not going to be able to handle it all. The house, two kids, a husband, and some how try to have a life as well. I know I’ll find a way to do it all but one can’t help but be a little scared or concerned about the path ahead.

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