

So this is the dealio. A week ago after hubby got his vasectomy he comes up to me and tells me that he is unhappy. I proceed to ask him why he is unhappy and he says that he feels as if I do not support him. After talking a while he says that he has been angry with me since we were first married and my refusal to just get up and move at the drop of a hat due to not having any money saved. He says that I was “cut off” from him then and the 4 years that followed to this date. After a long discussion over the weekend, hubby and I agreed that I should stay with my parents for a while so we can both think to ourselves and figure out if we want to be married. Hubby finally came to his senses last Thursday and told me to come home, which I did. This whole “split” was nothing but talk of divorce and I truely thought that was where we were headed. Hubby through talking to everyone in his cellphone realized that you have got to let your anger go and to not keep building it up year after year. When I got back he still refused to put his wedding ring back on. My heart was truly broken. I cried so much thinking that my marriage was going to be over because of some anger that should have been resolved a long time ago. But now hubby has realized that he needs to get some counseling from a pastor to try to work out his anger issues. I am relieved that we are no longer talking about divorce and that we are both trying to work out issues to get this marriage back on course. He thinks that he is going through a mid-life crisis and with the vasectomy stirred up a lot of past emotions. I appreciate everyone keeping my family in your prayers. We are doing a lot better but still have a long road to go down.
Today, I asked hubby if he would start wearing his wedding ring again and he agreed. My heart nearly skipped a beat. It never used to bother me that he didn’t wear his wedding ring due to it irritating his finger or whatever but now seeing him wear it gives me a since a peace. Peace that he does truly love me like he says he does and that we are going to get past this ugly divorce thing and never look back. We have planned to start going to church together on a regular basis depending on his work schedule so that will be great for the whole family.
All we can do is move forward. Marriage is a lot of work and you just can’t throw in the towel anytime it gets a little rocky. I know we will be better off grounded in the Lord. Through him all things are possible.
I admit that after having two kids and moving twice you just kind of get stuck in a rut with one another but now each day brings a new light. Everytime he says “I love you” brings more joy to my heart. I saw how quickly my life as I see it now could go away in an instant, so every moment I try to hold dear. I don’t want to take this wonderful life that God and hubby has provided for me for granted one more day. I want to make it the best that I possibly can.
One thing that I am wanting to change to get us out of our old marriage rut is to do more things together. With kids it is hard but watching a DVD together or sitting down as a family eating supper are all things that can bring us closer together as a family unit.
We will get through this and we will be stronger than ever!




Sheena Said:
Aww I’m so glad you updated! Communication is so important in a relationship. It’s really not good to hold things in. I’ve learned to just tell the truth even if it’s not what my bf wants to hear. I may get a “well damn” but later on we can laugh about it. Relationships are filled with their ups and downs and you certainly learn from them. I’m glad you guys didn’t give up. There’s no need to throw in the towel! I’m hoping like you said, that yall will be stronger than ever!
August 29th, 2007 at 10:50 pm
Stephanie Said:
I’m glad you guys are talking things out. It breaks my heart to see marriages end. Not having successfully been in one, I’m sure I don’t know the half of it, but I’m proud you guys are working it out! I definately think going to church as a family is a good thing. Not only will this be great family time, but you each can grown there also.
August 29th, 2007 at 11:10 pm
louann Said:
And I know you will work it through! {{husg hugs}} I admire you for your honesty.
August 30th, 2007 at 1:50 am
Concerned citizen Said:
This man is not a man, but a child. YOU DID NOTHING WRONG! Leave him and let him see what other women are like, you can do sooooo much bettter. Look how well that move turned out, the one he is mad at you for not jumping at. It didnt work out and neither is he. Ge is emotionally manipulating you, dont fall for it.
August 30th, 2007 at 7:21 am
Brie Said:
So glad to hear that things are slowly working themselves out. I know how hard marriage can be, it is an everyday challenge and you basically get out what you put in. I’ve learned that communication is the key so keep the lines open with each other. Going to church and family dinners are a great place to start and also a good way to keep the family unit as one. Do what you have to to work things out. Take care.
August 30th, 2007 at 8:27 am
Amanda Said:
Not sure who the “concerned citizen” listed above is, but he/she sounds more like they need to work on their own anger issues.
Anyway, I’m so glad to hear that things are at least *a little* better. JM & I haven’t really been through anything tough during our marriage (yet), but after 7 1/2 years of dating before marriage, we definitely had our VERY hard times, as well. Every couple goes through it in some way or another, so there is nothing to be embarrased or ashamed about. It is HOW you get through it and what you make of it that is the important part! OH, and I think the family church trips are a great idea! ;o)
August 30th, 2007 at 9:08 am
Donna Said:
Hope things continue to go smooth. God is faithful and doesn’t want to see your marriage end either.
I can see how it could be hard for a man to go through a vasectomy. Pray for him, LOTS. It is hard to be a man, or so they say!
August 30th, 2007 at 10:08 am
Mouseclone Said:
I must say grats on holding it together. I’m sure you are a great person. I don’t know much about having the bullets taken out of the gun yet, but women go though issues as well when they can no longer bare children, he could be going though the same thing.
the big D is bad for kids as well. I would hate to see your little one caught up in that crap. Be well, and things will work out. Remember one more thing as well, boys are raise to be men, and men rule the house, or so they say. I do feel strongly that it is a mans job to make decisions and it is a womans job to support those decisions, unless of course they are just way off base. If he is wanting to move and you have not money then move to a place that is cheaper and save that money, don’t move just for moving though.
best of luck to you.
August 30th, 2007 at 10:51 am
Jessica Said:
I am so sorry to hear that things were heading this far south for you, but it sounds like things will get better. My hubby and I have been down this road before… and I do not wish it upon anyone. Again, I am glad to hear things are getting better.
Hopefully the lines of communcation will open up a bit more after this!
August 30th, 2007 at 10:59 am
Lisa Said:
I’m so happy to hear things are better for you! I read your blog daily and have been concerned about you and your family (I feel I know you through your writings). Thank you for updating…I’m sure it was hard to be so honest about something so personal. I think it’s a great idea for you to do things as a family, but don’t forget about “couple time” too. And as far as church~ GO! remember the old saying but “The family that prays together, stays together”. I’ll keep you all in my prayers!
August 30th, 2007 at 5:05 pm
Amy Said:
Good to hear you’re doing well.
I’ve gone through something similar, something I wish not to share with anyone else. I do know how you feel and I’m glad things worked out for the better.
August 30th, 2007 at 6:08 pm
Juliet Said:
I am sure that in true Domestic Diva style you will come out with the life domestic life you want and deserve. I do hope hubby can get over his issue b/c 4 years is a long time to be mad at someone you are married to, geez! I hope you are not being made to feel guilty about this move that you obviously had a gut feeling and practical reasons to avoid.
I am sure the snip-snip is a scary reality check for men. They are taught that their job in life is to spread their seed, but he will have to realize on his own that he has a lot more to offer the world. And from the looks of things, his seed spreading has done the world a lot of good. Now on to the next chapter. Go hug your kids. =) GOod lUck!
August 31st, 2007 at 11:55 am
SouthernBell Said:
Hi. I’m new to your page today. Hope it’s cool for me to offer some words of wisdom from some gals who offered it to me when I was going through this same thing with my hubby.
There is verse in the bible — I know, it seems archaic — but, girl, let me tell you. I stayed focused on it’s message and what God calls me to do and it really has helped our marriage. Actually, God helped our marriage, not the verse. LOL
Anyway …
1 Peter 3:1
Likewise, wives, be submissive to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives — when they see your respectful and pure conduct … let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious.
For me, this meant that I could win back my husband’s heart by obeying God’s word. Not only could I win his heart for me, but I can win it for God, too. Now, understand, having a quiet and gentle spirit doesn’t mean you have to have a quiet personality. It’s saying to gently and quietly love and serve your family.
Your husband is called to forgive you as Christ has forgiven you.
All you can work on right now is you. Even if he doesn’t go to church, you can go without him. And trust, girl, trying to maneuver him to go will not work. God is the only one who will change his heart — you have to trust God. Quietly and gently wait on God to do his work in your husband and in your heart.
Sorry I’ve gone on and on. I just felt a real empathy for your situation since I’ve been there — recently. Actually, still there. Just take one day at a time, you know?
August 31st, 2007 at 2:49 pm
jessica Said:
heather, we want you to come back to our playgroup. we miss you and the boys.
October 1st, 2007 at 4:23 pm